Tag: well-being

Timelines

Sometimes you accidentally run into timelines of other people that match up with your old timeline. However, their timeline continues uninterrupted while yours takes a departure from your projected and estimated trajectory. It’s always a little jarring when you see the timeline that’s uninterrupted and start comparing it to yours. You start wondering if maybe this uninterrupted timeline could have been your life and then you look for where things changed. It’s an exhausting and defeating process. It presupposes that one single act can determine the fate of your timeline. It also presupposes that one outcome is better than another.


Life is not like that. If it were, there would be an antidote or a counter action that would protect you from that other “action” that is the determining factor in the change of trajectory. (Now I’m getting into Quantum Physics, which I love by the way.) 😉

In reality, there is no way to pinpoint a single moment when things change. While there are single events that change us forever, life is a continuous flow of moments that lead from one to another. Every time I have tried to look for that single moment, I have had to look at the moment before that and the one before that and on and on and on. It is actually easier to look forward and change actions in present mode for future benefit.

So where’s the perk?

I suppose the perk of being a counselor in this situation is to know at any given moment you have the power to change the future.

Burning Bridges

As a counselor I have hope in almost everything and everyone. It is also who I am as a person. Some would argue I have too much hope and see life with rose colored glasses despite all that I have personally experienced and all that I have heard about the grief of others, “la vie en rose,” (listen to this song if you ever have a chance).

All I know is that I have always had the presence of the “Divine” or “higher power” in my life. Even in my loneliest, I have truly never been or felt alone. However, having said this, I have learned a lot in the last few years about having hope in every situation and everyone. 

Lesson 1:
Everything and everyone has the potential of change but not everything and everyone will reach that potential in a timeline that we are able to witness.
Lesson 2:
When we choose to leave certain people and things in the time and space they belong and occupy, we are not forgetting them and their time with us. We are operating with the virtue of justice by letting people occupy their space and time and allowing ourselves to move on and occupy our own space and time. 
Lesson 3:
We need energy and fuel to power our way through our new, and most likely, different journey. We cannot exist simultaneously in two or more dimensions of time without severe exhaustion and lack of motivation. We have to choose, and sadly, sometimes our fuel and guidance comes from the light provided by the bridges we burn to our past. 
Lesson 4:
While you may choose to return to an older period of time, you have to remember that you return as a changed person and therefore will possibly, and in all likelihood, have different reactions and behaviors. Don’t be surprised if you realize something or someone from your past isn’t as interesting or is more interesting than you thought originally. 
Lesson 5:
There is a lesson in everything. Find it, especially when you have the least amount of understanding of what’s going on. It will always shed light on a situation. 
Lesson 6:
Hope applies to everyone. It’s an equal opportunity concept. If you have hope in every situation and everyone else, that means there is also hope for you and your situation. You are not the exception to the rule. 
Lesson 7: 
There are connections between every act, person, thing and situation. Find what the connections are. They are the yellow brick road that will lead you to the treasure at the end of the rainbow. 
Once again, I’m not saying anything you can’t think of or haven’t possibly thought of yourself. I just happen to be trained to look for these things as part of my job and in my own life. You can become this aware as well.
In fact, you might already be. 
I am grateful for this kind of awareness. It is most definitely one of the perks of being a counselor. 

Leave if you must…

Sometimes we have to leave. We are the only ones we can control and so it becomes our duty to leave a situation that is not healthy or is unjust. 

When people refuse to respect your boundaries, leave. I’m not saying don’t try to work it out by discussing it, but if there is no chance of a healthy discussion, leave. Leave people, places, things, jobs, doctors, relationships, friendships, homes, exercise routines, clubs, whatever you can think of. 
A quote comes to mind…
I think it goes something like this, “You’re not a tree. You can move.” There is no law that says you have to continually endure unhealthy situations. Move. Leave. Walk away.
Perks of being a counselor?
Being able to give myself permission to practice what I preach. I’m out. 👊🏽

Silence

There are some times in our life when there is just no answer to our questions, no relief, no closure.

As much as we would like to find peace in an answer, the only way we may ever find peace in such times is through silence.
Practicing silence and sitting at the table with your lack of clarity may be all there is one can do. So go ahead. Pull up a chair, sit down across the table from your pain and sadness. Look them in the eye, not with judgement and blame, but with love.
Sit in silence and send love across the table to what you’ve lost, what you mourn. 
The human language is incapable of labeling such times and feelings which may be why you feel you have no answer to your questions, no response to your pain. The language of the soul is complicated. It’s not about a label or word because the soul is processing so many things simultaneously. However, the soul comes alive and feels seen and heard in the moment when you look at the soul and recognize it and “see” it through someone’s eyes. It can definitely be seen and acknowledged. And if you’re capable of sitting at the table with your own soul, and without any words acknowledge your own pain and sorrow and sadness and love, then maybe you will have found an answer after all.
Perk:  silence is an answer; no response is a response; no action is an action; acceptance of what something is, is acceptance of what it is not. With silence you can make the loudest statement of all.