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March 2020

Besides the arrival of the Corona Virus, Spring has also arrived.

A lot has happened in the last 2 months. One could say the whole world has turned upside down and inside out.

We’ve learned new phrases such as social distancing and become “experts” in Covid-19. We’ve learned that toilet paper is a hotter commodity in times of international panic than maybe even food. We’ve had to listen to our president address us almost on a daily basis and have learned about the World Health Organization and Center for Disease Control.

Our jobs have had to transform from in person interactions to online platforms overnight and our homes have become our centers of ALL activities. We are cooking more than ever before, spending more time with our families than ever before and have had to learn to be still and patient more than ever before.

Our skin on our hands are dry and peeling from all the hand washing and surfaces have never been as clean as they are now.

On the one hand, we are weary of anyone who so much as looks like they are going to cough and yet at the same time we are much more drawn to being out and about and interacting with others than ever before.

The irony of being told to stay home and do nothing and not being able to follow through, when in the past we might have even prayed for this kind of down time and eagerly accepted it, is not lost on me. We don’t like to be told what to do, unless we agree with what’s being asked of us.

Life has transformed from making plans to go out with friends to figuring out what to do all day, every day, at home along side the people who live with us.

How does everything that’s happening affect our mental health? The answer is not simple or easy. The truth is that for every single person, the width, depth and breadth of this time period’s effect on us will be different.

So what can you do? Without being too prescriptive, I’d like to put out some suggestions that I try to do myself when I’m feeling lost or overwhelmed. Here are some ideas in no particular order. I hope you find this list helpful.

When you’re lost or overwhelmed:

1. Create a loose schedule to structure your day.

2. Insert some kind of movement in your day. It can be yoga, dance, walking in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, going up and down your stairs, watching a YouTube video of some kind of movement, etc.

3. Treat yourself. Create deadlines for yourself and then reward yourself with a movie, a piece of chocolate, a nap, playing with your dogs or kids, etc. Do something that helps you to feel better about yourself.

4. Watch a YouTube video and learn a new skill. It doesn’t have to be something super hard. Watch a make-up tutorial and learn how to put on your fake eye lashes. Watch a hair tutorial and learn how to fish braid your daughter’s hair. Learn to cook something new or fix something that’s been broken a long time. Learn how to say simple phrases in a new language. The world is your oyster!

5. Check in on friends using any of the free video platforms available to you. You can use Facebook Messenger to video chat, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, etc.

6. Start your own unique weekly group event. For example, you can set up a weekly Skype meeting with friends where everyone shares their favorite book, recipe, show, quote, poem, music, sports trivia, etc.

7. Share your expertise with others. Host a weekly, bi-monthly or monthly event through a video platform and share your knowledge about a particular topic with others.

8. Get creative! Re-purpose some of the items of your home for other uses.

9. Rearrange your furniture. Change things up in your home, move things around. You can always move them back.

10. Schedule self care time for yourself every day. It doesn’t have to be long. You can paint your nails, read a book, read the news, scroll through social media, stretch, meditate, journal, write your own blog, put on a face mask, pray, look up sports statistics and trivia, etc.

Most of all, don’t judge yourself for where you’re at right now. No one has ever lived through what we’re going through right now. How can we have a standard to judge ourselves when such unprecedented times have never occurred in our lifetime?

Perks of being a counselor:

We’re all doing the best we can. And we’ve learned slowly, but surely, that we can do hard things. Yes we can!

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If a tree falls…

Today I forgot to wear my Apple Watch when I went for my walk (let me just acknowledge the privilege in that first statement before I go on). So I don’t know how many steps I took, calories I burned or miles I walked. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t do it and it doesn’t mean I didn’t and won’t benefit from it.

In a world where documenting life has become the norm, sometimes we might feel like if we don’t take a picture or record what we’re doing, that what we’ve done doesn’t count.

I feel the most healthy when no one actually knows what I’m doing. It’s not that I don’t want to share my successes (and failures) with others. It’s just that when no one knows what I’m doing, I know I’m doing it for myself. And even more importantly, if I’m able to continue to do something healthy for myself without accountability to anyone else but myself, then I personally feel like I’ve made the most progress in advancing towards a healthier lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I love social media. In moderation. And I do love seeing other people do well and learn from them through their social media posts. But I guess like everything else in life, I’m always seeking balance.

So for those of you doing well and/or struggling, I see you, even when you don’t post about it on social media. Know that your life is very much “normal” because the normal state of human being and human becoming is a state of flux, a state of imbalance and ups and downs. There is no such thing as “normal,” only how we choose to respond to life. And that response is different for each one of us because we are all unique.

Perks of being a counselor:

Knowing that “normal” is overrated. I’ve had the most learning and fun in life in moments that have gone unrecorded and undocumented which occurred in the most “abnormal” situations and experiences.

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Timelines

Sometimes you accidentally run into timelines of other people that match up with your old timeline. However, their timeline continues uninterrupted while yours takes a departure from your projected and estimated trajectory. It’s always a little jarring when you see the timeline that’s uninterrupted and start comparing it to yours. You start wondering if maybe this uninterrupted timeline could have been your life and then you look for where things changed. It’s an exhausting and defeating process. It presupposes that one single act can determine the fate of your timeline. It also presupposes that one outcome is better than another.

Life is not like that. If it were, there would be an antidote or a counter action that would protect you from that other “action” that is the determining factor in the change of trajectory. (Now I’m getting into Quantum Physics, which I love by the way.) 😉

In reality, there is no way to pinpoint a single moment when things change. While there are single events that change us forever, life is a continuous flow of moments that lead from one to another. Every time I have tried to look for that single moment, I have had to look at the moment before that and the one before that and on and on and on. It is actually easier to look forward and change actions in present mode for future benefit.

So where’s the perk?

I suppose the perk of being a counselor in this situation is to know at any given moment you have the power to change the future.

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Leave if you must…

Sometimes we have to leave. We are the only ones we can control and so it becomes our duty to leave a situation that is not healthy or is unjust.

When people refuse to respect your boundaries, leave. I’m not saying don’t try to work it out by discussing it, but if there is no chance of a healthy discussion, leave. Leave people, places, things, jobs, doctors, relationships, friendships, homes, exercise routines, clubs, whatever you can think of.

A quote comes to mind…

I think it goes something like this, “You’re not a tree. You can move.” There is no law that says you have to continually endure unhealthy situations. Move. Leave. Walk away.

Perks of being a counselor?

Being able to give myself permission to practice what I preach. I’m out. 👊🏽

New Me, New You

How can we know what love looks likes with another person if we’ve never experienced it within ourselves? How can I give you something I don’t know how to give myself?

What does loving yourself look like?

It will look different to every person. For some it will be about extra time to do something for themselves. For others it looks like exercise. It can even look like getting more sleep. But before you do any of these things, you have to believe your time is worthy and that taking time out for yourself is not only important, but mandatory.

Loving yourself also helps set the standard for how others will attempt to love you. Just like math lessons, where our teachers taught us the formulas and showed us how to solve problems, we have to show others the formula for loving us.

Don’t give up. When someone mistreats you or shows love in a way you don’t understand, take time to sit down with them and explain to them what your formula is and they can use that formula to love you better.

If you’re wondering where to start, here’s a little quiz to take to start the conversation:

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/