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Living in the “along”…

“Say to them,
say to the down-keepers,
the sun-slappers,
the self-soilers,
the harmony-hushers,
‘Even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night.’
You will be right.
For that is the hard home-run.

Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.”

Living in the “along” is the only living we are actually capable of. We can’t live in yesterday or tomorrow. We can’t live in the “there” or the “that.” We can only live in this moment, here and now. And while we watch the sunset and sunrise, off in the distance and witness day turn into night and night turn into day, we must learn to live in the “along” because life is what’s happening along the way.

Perks of being a counselor: knowing we are never ready for the sun to set and rise again. The planet spins and orbits and day turns into night and then into day again. How painful and disappointing to think we have to be ready before we can witness this beauty. I, for one, am ready in every given moment, even though I may be unprepared.

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Everything is Everything

The ever evolving Yasaman (me) believes everything can and does happen simultaneously. In other words, you can’t wait to be healed before you begin a journey and you don’t have to master self-love before loving others, nor is self-love a prerequisite for others to love you. Daily evolution, for me, is to accept the fullness of what being human is…a never ending transformation fueled by engagement with self, others and our environment, a circular connection and interaction with the seen and unseen.

The illusion we are given in this plane of existence is that everything is linear. However, in actuality, that is just one perception of the representation of this physical world. A holistic approach to reality would demonstrate a more comprehensive truth…that nothing is linear and that not only are multiple things happening at the same time, but within each different representation of reality, there are numerous dimensions. While it may feel like there is no single answer, we still find that all responses can lead to one single place and space in time, that thing called LOVE.

What is LOVE? It’s lots of things. I bet that we can explain most things and phenomenas in terms of the force that LOVE is. For example, gravity is love. It is the force that pulls objects together. The the pull of certain atoms to be together is their love for one another. What we see is LOVE in the form of planets orbiting each other.

Growth is love. When the flowers grow toward sunlight, it is their molecules’ love for energy production through photosynthesis that guides them to light. What we see in turn, is the blossoming of a flower. What we are witnessing is LOVE in the form of a chemical reaction.

Music is love. It is the beauty of the melody that is created when notes are put together. Beautiful music is just notes that love one another. What we hear is what LOVE sounds like.

And so everything is everything.

I cannot evolve on my own no matter how much I love myself, just like a note by itself is not music. I have to be open to experiencing everything, sometimes chronologically and linearly according to my limited human capabilities at that time. But I have to also be open to the idea of different life experiences happening simultaneously, which I believe is how most of life events unfold in order to create the most beautiful symphony.

Perks of being a counselor:

Knowing that when I’m out of tune, it’s because I’m learning to make a better song. Everything is everything. Everything and everyone is linked to everything and everyone else.

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Just Love ♥️

Just LOVE ♥️
(I’m going to pitch this idea to Nike. 😉)

“Love, I thought to myself abstractedly. Not ‘This is love.’ or ‘Is this love?’ Not a sentence, not a certainty, not a thought with moving parts or direction. Just love, all of it, as it is. Whether it’s enough or not. Wthether it’s real or we’re making it up. However shoddy it gets, or bent out of shape. It’s still extraordinary. However foolish, however vain. However badly it ends. Love.”

― Julian Gough

Perks of being a counselor: Learning from working with so many different people that no one ever regretted loving too much. They did regret not loving enough, but never too much.

So I’m passing this learning on to you in the hopes that any opportunity you have to love, you will go all out!

Love as much as there are stars in the universe and as long as their stardust continues to exist amongst us all.

💫✨💫

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“I wish you pain” ❤️

“I wish you pain.” “But why?” You might ask? Here’s one way to look at pain:

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

As 2019 comes to a close, it’s important to take time to reflect on how you got through life this past year.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

1. What was one of the most difficult experiences of 2019?

2. How did I get through this difficulty?

3. Is there a pattern connected to this difficulty I experienced in 2019? (In other words, have I experienced something similar in the past?)

4. If so, what was the theme?

5. What did I learn about myself after this experience?

6. How do I want to do things differently moving forward?

7. What was one good thing that happened to me in 2019?

8. What did I learn about myself during and after this good thing happened?

9. How did I participate in creating this good experience and what can I do to create more good experiences in my life?

10. What is one way I helped another person this past year?

11. How did that feel?

12. How do I want to participate in acts of service and kindness in 2020?

I will leave you with the lyrics of Andy Grammer’s new song, “Wish You Pain.” He said it better than I can. While I don’t ever wish for anyone to deal with tragedy, I am aware of the growth connected to suffering and depth of understanding of what is most important in life when one experiences deep sorrow. And since life is filled with not just happiness, but also pain and sorrow, we can, at the very least, try to gain something from it by reflecting on how it has helped us grow.

“I hope your doubts come like monsters
And terrorize your dreams
I hope you feel the lonely hopelessness
‘Cause no one else believes
I hope you question whether you ever really had a chance at all

I hope your fear is thick like poison
It gets into your blood
I hope you push until you cannot breathe
And it’s still not enough
I hope you put your life out on the line
And everybody watches while you fall

‘Cause I love you more than you could know
And your heart, it grows every time it breaks
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
Wish you pain
It’s hard to say
But I wish you pain

I hope people break their promises
Leave you in the cold
I hope they beat your heart to pieces
Worse than you’ve ever known
I hope you finally arrive, only to find you’re nowhere close

I hope you cry and tears come streaming down your face
I hope this life traps you in more than you thought you could ever take
I hope the help you want never comes and you do it on your own

‘Cause I love you more than you could know
And your heart, it grows every time it breaks
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
Wish you pain
It’s hard to say
But I wish you pain

I love you more than you could even know
Been here before and I just wanna see you grow
Want you to grow

‘Cause everything that matters most
That’s where it goes by a different name
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
I wish you pain
It’s hard to say
Wish you pain

I love you more than you could even know
I’ve been here before and I just wanna see you grow
Want you to grow”

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Andrew Grammer / Ryan Met / Thomas Meredith

Wish You Pain lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

(Check out his song while you’re at it. YouTube link below.)

https://youtu.be/12Us5nPWouY

Perks of being a counselor:

Having been to the end of the tunnel numerous times, not just in my own life, but witnessed it through the stories of others, and having seen the light in order to be able to know and reassure you that there is, indeed, some form of transformation and light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish you pain…and love, happiness, joy, peace, health, prosperity and well-being in all areas of your life too!

Happy New Year! Thank you for all your love and support! I appreciate you! ❤️

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Healing…

“The brain-disease model overlooks four fundamental truths: (1) our capacity to destroy one another is matched by our capacity to heal one another. Restoring relationships and community is central to restoring well-being; (2) language gives us the power to change ourselves and others by communicating our experiences, helping us to define what we know, and finding a common sense of meaning; (3) we have the ability to regulate our own physiology, including some of the so-called involuntary functions of the body and brain, through such basic activities as breathing, moving, and touching; and (4) we can change social conditions to create environments in which children and adults can feel safe and where they can thrive.

When we ignore these quintessential dimensions of humanity, we deprive people of ways to heal from trauma and restore their autonomy. Being a patient, rather than a participant in one’s healing process, separates suffering people from their community and alienates them from an inner sense of self.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Here’s the thing…

There is no drug that will address your trauma, talk to it, listen to it, feel it for you, erase it, undo it, touch it, hug it, love it, sit with it, work through it, breath through it, care for it, talk about it and/or heal it for you. There just isn’t.

When you think about it, how can a situation that caused so much pain, suffering and trauma for you be eradicated by a pill made for all? While I wish such a magic “cure” existed, the reality and truth of it is that humanity has forgotten what it means to be human and to have human experiences, and as a result, we have watered down and oversimplified what it takes to heal from some of those experiences.

Just like no pill can describe the incredible depth of suffering some life experiences can bring upon us, no pill can create the connection it takes to heal from those experiences.

Labeling ourselves as “diseased” no longer means “dis-ease” or lack of ease and comfort. In today’s world, “disease” is used as a label to separate, segregate and medicate.

If you think about it, when you’re in a state of “dis-ease”, wouldn’t it make more sense to try to find out what is causing the lack of ease in the situation? Or would you just take a pill and hope it addresses the discomfort, though the origin of it has not been explored? Wouldn’t it make more sense to explore the origin of the pain and address that instead of pathologizing ourselves and in turn, trying to find the quickest “fix” out of the “dis-ease”?

In the end, whatever your belief is about what brings about healing, we can all recognize that the current system is not working.

And…if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Perks of being a counselor:

Using my own human experiences in life, both good ones and difficult ones, to be able to connect with others so that they can see their own humanity. The truth is that, as humans, we are much more alike than different. And once we know we are not alone in our suffering, anything is possible, even healing.

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BOUNDARIES! Couldn’t have said it any better myself!

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries…

“There is a perception that speaking up for boundaries is somehow introducing conflict into a situation, or at very least, escalating it in an unkind way, like, everything was fine until you spoke up for your needs and now you made it weird. But not speaking up is not making the situation better, it’s just giving the other person more license to operate and communicating that you are okay with the behavior. There is no prize for being the world’s most stoic and accommodating person. A friendship that cannot survive the momentary discomfort of you standing up for your needs is not actually a friendship worth holding onto. Nobody loves being told that they are screwing up, obviously, but if you don’t have the ability to ever take any negative feedback along the lines of ‘Hey, could you not do that one thing anymore, thanks?’ from a friend, YOU are the problem. When told that they are stepping on someone’s foot, good adult people will apologize and get off the foot and not perpetuate a FEELINGS DUMP about their need to really stand on other’s feet sometimes.

Communicating ‘Hey, that’s where my boundary is, thanks,’ IS KINDNESS.

It is giving the other person the tools they need to be in a good relationship with you.”

~Jennifer Peepas

Perks of being a counselor:

Constantly having the opportunity to practice the art of establishing healthy boundaries because it’s important to practice what you preach.

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If a tree falls…

Today I forgot to wear my Apple Watch when I went for my walk (let me just acknowledge the privilege in that first statement before I go on). So I don’t know how many steps I took, calories I burned or miles I walked. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t do it and it doesn’t mean I didn’t and won’t benefit from it.

In a world where documenting life has become the norm, sometimes we might feel like if we don’t take a picture or record what we’re doing, that what we’ve done doesn’t count.

I feel the most healthy when no one actually knows what I’m doing. It’s not that I don’t want to share my successes (and failures) with others. It’s just that when no one knows what I’m doing, I know I’m doing it for myself. And even more importantly, if I’m able to continue to do something healthy for myself without accountability to anyone else but myself, then I personally feel like I’ve made the most progress in advancing towards a healthier lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I love social media. In moderation. And I do love seeing other people do well and learn from them through their social media posts. But I guess like everything else in life, I’m always seeking balance.

So for those of you doing well and/or struggling, I see you, even when you don’t post about it on social media. Know that your life is very much “normal” because the normal state of human being and human becoming is a state of flux, a state of imbalance and ups and downs. There is no such thing as “normal,” only how we choose to respond to life. And that response is different for each one of us because we are all unique.

Perks of being a counselor:

Knowing that “normal” is overrated. I’ve had the most learning and fun in life in moments that have gone unrecorded and undocumented which occurred in the most “abnormal” situations and experiences.

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Sense of wonder…

Recognizing and being aware of your perspective on life can have miraculous consequences.

How would you live your life differently if you chose to see what you look at and/or the people you interact with as if it was the first time or the last time you’re seeing them?

And if you would behave differently, why aren’t you behaving differently right now?

I can’t tell you how many clients I have spoken with who have told me if they knew it was the last time they were going to see a loved one, that they would have let them know how much they loved them and how much they meant to them.

So why wait? Tell them right now. Go. Do it. Right this minute. I promise you won’t regret it.

Perks of Being a Counselor:

Always knowing that each session with a client may be the last one and so making sure that each one of my clients walks away with me having given them the best I have to give as their therapist. And then using the same process with all my loved ones.

Do I always succeed? No. But that doesn’t mean I stop trying.

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On Grief…

Grief is heavy. It’s like carrying around a weighted blanket with you for the rest of your life, except it’s not comforting to be weighed down. Everything becomes more laborious. Your movements slow down. Your thinking slows down. It’s like you’re carrying around with you the entire world and all the pain and suffering that has ever existed from the beginning of time, all. the. time.

You see people around you moving about their lives and it feels like you’re in a slow motion movie while everyone else’s life has been sped up. Every now and then, someone steps out of their fast-paced dimensions just long enough for you to be able to see their faces and for them to see yours, but no one can stay in your slow world with you, no one is allowed. It’s the kind of restricted access no one would ever wish for, but here you are, and here you will be forever.

You learn to start walking with this heaviness weighing you down. Some days it feels like you’re walking in tar and can barely take a step forward. Other times, it feels more like you’re moving in water, still hard but much more preferable to the dark tar. You learn to appreciate walking the earth with your heavy blanket as long as you can still move and feel the earth beneath your feet. Slowly, you forget you’re being weighed down and learn that this is your new gravity, your new posture.

You start to feel gratitude for this blanket because it’s a reminder of your love for the person, for YOUR person, who has died. Eventually, the blanket becomes your protection from the speedy lives everyone else is living. You realize that while you’ve slowed down, become immobilized at times, you’ve also been able to see the moments within the moments that everyone else is missing.

At some point, you’re able to recognize the faces of others who are also moving slowly through time. You find them and they find you, and without any words, you KNOW and recognize each other. You know what is happening, you see each other’s weighted blankets and you recognize the beautiful designs on them. You begin to see that the blanket is no longer painful to carry because while you’re still weighed down, you have built some very strong heart muscles to carry all the grief and love. And so you continue to walk.

That is all. You continue to walk. That is all, that is EVERYTHING.

Perks of being a counselor: inter-dimensional access and journeying with those who have built the strongest of hearts. I see you.

💓🙏🏽💓