One of the basic needs in human beings is to be seen and understood by those whom we interact with. In fact, the need to be seen is so strong that attention received for anything we do will be taken in as if it’s water quenching a extreme thirst.

This has a myriad of implications. On the one hand, those giving the “attention” can literally shape our interactions with others, early childhood caregivers being first and foremost on the list. Depending on what they choose to “pay” attention to, that is exactly what they will get more of.

On the other hand, depending on what we see getting the attention of our loved ones, we will do more of, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously.

Human beings want to connect, want to be heard and understood. We will continually repeat behaviors over and over again if we think it will get us the “attention” we need and desire.

However, as we become more self-aware, and as we start to process and understand our past, our pain, our history and our life, we begin to understand our own behaviors and who we are. We start to see that no matter how we’ve grown and changed, that some people are deeply committed to “seeing” us and “paying attention” to us in ways they have done in the past. This does not mean that we haven’t changed. It means they haven’t changed. And as such, they are committed to “seeing” us the way they always have.

Give yourself permission to stop explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

Perks of being a counselor:

Not only being able to give myself permission to not have to explain myself, but for those who want someone else’s permission, being the person who is happy to step up and give them the permission & reminder to be themselves. Be you. Be’you’tiful.