The thoughts, reflections, rantings and ravings of a counselor who firmly believes that good therapy can change your life, and therefore change the world (for the better) and bad and/or no therapy can lead to wars and destruction.
“Say to them, say to the down-keepers, the sun-slappers, the self-soilers, the harmony-hushers, ‘Even if you are not ready for day it cannot always be night.’ You will be right. For that is the hard home-run.
Live not for battles won. Live not for the-end-of-the-song. Live in the along.”
Living in the “along” is the only living we are actually capable of. We can’t live in yesterday or tomorrow. We can’t live in the “there” or the “that.” We can only live in this moment, here and now. And while we watch the sunset and sunrise, off in the distance and witness day turn into night and night turn into day, we must learn to live in the “along” because life is what’s happening along the way.
Perks of being a counselor: knowing we are never ready for the sun to set and rise again. The planet spins and orbits and day turns into night and then into day again. How painful and disappointing to think we have to be ready before we can witness this beauty. I, for one, am ready in every given moment, even though I may be unprepared.
The ever evolving Yasaman (me) believes everything can and does happen simultaneously. In other words, you can’t wait to be healed before you begin a journey and you don’t have to master self-love before loving others, nor is self-love a prerequisite for others to love you. Daily evolution, for me, is to accept the fullness of what being human is…a never ending transformation fueled by engagement with self, others and our environment, a circular connection and interaction with the seen and unseen.
The illusion we are given in this plane of existence is that everything is linear. However, in actuality, that is just one perception of the representation of this physical world. A holistic approach to reality would demonstrate a more comprehensive truth…that nothing is linear and that not only are multiple things happening at the same time, but within each different representation of reality, there are numerous dimensions. While it may feel like there is no single answer, we still find that all responses can lead to one single place and space in time, that thing called LOVE.
What is LOVE? It’s lots of things. I bet that we can explain most things and phenomenas in terms of the force that LOVE is. For example, gravity is love. It is the force that pulls objects together. The the pull of certain atoms to be together is their love for one another. What we see is LOVE in the form of planets orbiting each other.
Growth is love. When the flowers grow toward sunlight, it is their molecules’ love for energy production through photosynthesis that guides them to light. What we see in turn, is the blossoming of a flower. What we are witnessing is LOVE in the form of a chemical reaction.
Music is love. It is the beauty of the melody that is created when notes are put together. Beautiful music is just notes that love one another. What we hear is what LOVE sounds like.
And so everything is everything.
I cannot evolve on my own no matter how much I love myself, just like a note by itself is not music. I have to be open to experiencing everything, sometimes chronologically and linearly according to my limited human capabilities at that time. But I have to also be open to the idea of different life experiences happening simultaneously, which I believe is how most of life events unfold in order to create the most beautiful symphony.
Perks of being a counselor:
Knowing that when I’m out of tune, it’s because I’m learning to make a better song. Everything is everything. Everything and everyone is linked to everything and everyone else.
The day has come when we all long for the “normal” day.
Let us burn into our memories the simplest of our routine activities which are connected with our mundane, normal and imperfect days, so that when those days return, we will never again take them for granted.
Perks of being a counselor:
Knowing that even in this moment, in the midst of a pandemic, there is still so much to be grateful for and not take for granted.
There is such a thing as a “normal” social isolation day. One day, we will even miss today.
Besides the arrival of the Corona Virus, Spring has also arrived.
A lot has happened in the last 2 months. One could say the whole world has turned upside down and inside out.
We’ve learned new phrases such as social distancing and become “experts” in Covid-19. We’ve learned that toilet paper is a hotter commodity in times of international panic than maybe even food. We’ve had to listen to our president address us almost on a daily basis and have learned about the World Health Organization and Center for Disease Control.
Our jobs have had to transform from in person interactions to online platforms overnight and our homes have become our centers of ALL activities. We are cooking more than ever before, spending more time with our families than ever before and have had to learn to be still and patient more than ever before.
Our skin on our hands are dry and peeling from all the hand washing and surfaces have never been as clean as they are now.
On the one hand, we are weary of anyone who so much as looks like they are going to cough and yet at the same time we are much more drawn to being out and about and interacting with others than ever before.
The irony of being told to stay home and do nothing and not being able to follow through, when in the past we might have even prayed for this kind of down time and eagerly accepted it, is not lost on me. We don’t like to be told what to do, unless we agree with what’s being asked of us.
Life has transformed from making plans to go out with friends to figuring out what to do all day, every day, at home along side the people who live with us.
How does everything that’s happening affect our mental health? The answer is not simple or easy. The truth is that for every single person, the width, depth and breadth of this time period’s effect on us will be different.
So what can you do? Without being too prescriptive, I’d like to put out some suggestions that I try to do myself when I’m feeling lost or overwhelmed. Here are some ideas in no particular order. I hope you find this list helpful.
When you’re lost or overwhelmed:
1. Create a loose schedule to structure your day.
2. Insert some kind of movement in your day. It can be yoga, dance, walking in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, going up and down your stairs, watching a YouTube video of some kind of movement, etc.
3. Treat yourself. Create deadlines for yourself and then reward yourself with a movie, a piece of chocolate, a nap, playing with your dogs or kids, etc. Do something that helps you to feel better about yourself.
4. Watch a YouTube video and learn a new skill. It doesn’t have to be something super hard. Watch a make-up tutorial and learn how to put on your fake eye lashes. Watch a hair tutorial and learn how to fish braid your daughter’s hair. Learn to cook something new or fix something that’s been broken a long time. Learn how to say simple phrases in a new language. The world is your oyster!
5. Check in on friends using any of the free video platforms available to you. You can use Facebook Messenger to video chat, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, etc.
6. Start your own unique weekly group event. For example, you can set up a weekly Skype meeting with friends where everyone shares their favorite book, recipe, show, quote, poem, music, sports trivia, etc.
7. Share your expertise with others. Host a weekly, bi-monthly or monthly event through a video platform and share your knowledge about a particular topic with others.
8. Get creative! Re-purpose some of the items of your home for other uses.
9. Rearrange your furniture. Change things up in your home, move things around. You can always move them back.
10. Schedule self care time for yourself every day. It doesn’t have to be long. You can paint your nails, read a book, read the news, scroll through social media, stretch, meditate, journal, write your own blog, put on a face mask, pray, look up sports statistics and trivia, etc.
Most of all, don’t judge yourself for where you’re at right now. No one has ever lived through what we’re going through right now. How can we have a standard to judge ourselves when such unprecedented times have never occurred in our lifetime?
Perks of being a counselor:
We’re all doing the best we can. And we’ve learned slowly, but surely, that we can do hard things. Yes we can!
Today I forgot to wear my Apple Watch when I went for my walk (let me just acknowledge the privilege in that first statement before I go on). So I don’t know how many steps I took, calories I burned or miles I walked. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t do it and it doesn’t mean I didn’t and won’t benefit from it.
In a world where documenting life has become the norm, sometimes we might feel like if we don’t take a picture or record what we’re doing, that what we’ve done doesn’t count.
I feel the most healthy when no one actually knows what I’m doing. It’s not that I don’t want to share my successes (and failures) with others. It’s just that when no one knows what I’m doing, I know I’m doing it for myself. And even more importantly, if I’m able to continue to do something healthy for myself without accountability to anyone else but myself, then I personally feel like I’ve made the most progress in advancing towards a healthier lifestyle.
Don’t get me wrong, I love social media. In moderation. And I do love seeing other people do well and learn from them through their social media posts. But I guess like everything else in life, I’m always seeking balance.
So for those of you doing well and/or struggling, I see you, even when you don’t post about it on social media. Know that your life is very much “normal” because the normal state of human being and human becoming is a state of flux, a state of imbalance and ups and downs. There is no such thing as “normal,” only how we choose to respond to life. And that response is different for each one of us because we are all unique.
Perks of being a counselor:
Knowing that “normal” is overrated. I’ve had the most learning and fun in life in moments that have gone unrecorded and undocumented which occurred in the most “abnormal” situations and experiences.
Recognizing and being aware of your perspective on life can have miraculous consequences.
How would you live your life differently if you chose to see what you look at and/or the people you interact with as if it was the first time or the last time you’re seeing them?
And if you would behave differently, why aren’t you behaving differently right now?
I can’t tell you how many clients I have spoken with who have told me if they knew it was the last time they were going to see a loved one, that they would have let them know how much they loved them and how much they meant to them.
So why wait? Tell them right now. Go. Do it. Right this minute. I promise you won’t regret it.
Perks of Being a Counselor:
Always knowing that each session with a client may be the last one and so making sure that each one of my clients walks away with me having given them the best I have to give as their therapist. And then using the same process with all my loved ones.
Do I always succeed? No. But that doesn’t mean I stop trying.
If you’re like me, you often conveniently or accidentally forget how hard you’ve worked to make it through some of the rough times.
How you talk to yourself and what you think about yourself is extremely important. Your words and thoughts do affect you and your well-being.
It has been postured that talking to plants can help them grow. Imagine if you spoke to yourself in a way that would help you grow, what would that sound like? What would you say?
So take some notes about your life, especially about the times you overcame what may have at the time seemed like insurmountable odds, write yourself a letter, document your successes and read it to yourself over and over again when you feel all is lost. Speak to yourself the way you would to a loved one.
Perks of being a counselor? Witnessing growth and change in others when I sit with them in therapy in that painfully uncomfortable space where their doubts and sorrows live, seeing what happens when they are fully validated and accepted for who they are without any judgment and are truly seen and heard. Then knowing that I can do exactly the same same for myself, sit with my own pain and sense of failure, have a loving dialogue with the hurt parts of myself, because while I am no better than anyone else, I am no less than them either and deserve to be loved, cherished and cared for.
We often wait for life to be this way or that way before we make a move or do something we’ve always wanted to do.
The truth is that life will never be exactly the way we want it to be, it will never be perfect.
Life is messy. The winds will blow. Your hair will be messy. The sun will come out. Live and love anyway. Take pictures anyway. Live now. Follow your passions. Follow your heart. Don’t wait.
Perks of being a counselor: knowing there is no such thing as a perfect time or perfect life. The only perfection is how perfectly imperfect we all are. ❤️
Perks of Being a Counselor 