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The Ending is Not a Mystery

“In the Evening We Shall be Examined on Love”

-St. John of the Cross

And it won’t be multiple choice,
Though some of us would prefer it that way.
Neither will it be essay, which tempts us to run on
When we should be sticking to the point, if not together.
In the evening, there shall be implications
Our fear will change to complications. “No cheating,”
We’ll be told, and we’ll try to figure the cost of being true
To ourselves. In the evening, when the sky has turned
That certain blue, the blue of exam books, books of no more
Daily evasion, we shall climb the hill as the light empties
And park our tired bodies on a bench above the city
And try to fill in the blanks. And we won’t be tested
Like defendants on trial, cross-examined
Till one of us breaks down, guilty as charged. No,
In the evening, after the day has refused to testify,
We shall be examined on love like students
Who don’t even recall signing up for the course
And now must take their orals, forced to speak for once
From the heart and not off the top of their heads.
And when the evening is over and it’s late
The student body asleep, even the great teachers
Retired for the night, we shall stay up
And run back over the questions, each in our own way:
What’s true and what’s false, what unknown quantity
Will balance the equation, what it would mean years from now
To look back and know
We did not fail.

–By Thomas Centolella

My dear loved ones, the end is not a mystery. As a grief counselor, I’ve worked with death enough times to know that while the journey of life can be unpredictable and abrupt, the ending is not a mystery.

How does it all end? The answer is always LOVE.

Did you love? All the time, any time, as big as the universe, despite the pain, despite the tragedy, despite the sorrow, because of the joy, because of the swiftness of time, because of the laughter, because of the happiness, because of chances given, because of chances taken, regardless of who, what, where, when, how, despite war, violence, death, and in honor of being alive?

Did you love?

Perks of being a counselor: Constant and consistent reminders of the vital force of life and hope that LOVE is. In the end, that is all that remains.

Woman sitting on a bench looking at the sky with heart-shaped clouds.

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Living in the “along”…

“Say to them,
say to the down-keepers,
the sun-slappers,
the self-soilers,
the harmony-hushers,
‘Even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night.’
You will be right.
For that is the hard home-run.

Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.”

Living in the “along” is the only living we are actually capable of. We can’t live in yesterday or tomorrow. We can’t live in the “there” or the “that.” We can only live in this moment, here and now. And while we watch the sunset and sunrise, off in the distance and witness day turn into night and night turn into day, we must learn to live in the “along” because life is what’s happening along the way.

Perks of being a counselor: knowing we are never ready for the sun to set and rise again. The planet spins and orbits and day turns into night and then into day again. How painful and disappointing to think we have to be ready before we can witness this beauty. I, for one, am ready in every given moment, even though I may be unprepared.

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Everything is Everything

The ever evolving Yasaman (me) believes everything can and does happen simultaneously. In other words, you can’t wait to be healed before you begin a journey and you don’t have to master self-love before loving others, nor is self-love a prerequisite for others to love you. Daily evolution, for me, is to accept the fullness of what being human is…a never ending transformation fueled by engagement with self, others and our environment, a circular connection and interaction with the seen and unseen.

The illusion we are given in this plane of existence is that everything is linear. However, in actuality, that is just one perception of the representation of this physical world. A holistic approach to reality would demonstrate a more comprehensive truth…that nothing is linear and that not only are multiple things happening at the same time, but within each different representation of reality, there are numerous dimensions. While it may feel like there is no single answer, we still find that all responses can lead to one single place and space in time, that thing called LOVE.

What is LOVE? It’s lots of things. I bet that we can explain most things and phenomenas in terms of the force that LOVE is. For example, gravity is love. It is the force that pulls objects together. The the pull of certain atoms to be together is their love for one another. What we see is LOVE in the form of planets orbiting each other.

Growth is love. When the flowers grow toward sunlight, it is their molecules’ love for energy production through photosynthesis that guides them to light. What we see in turn, is the blossoming of a flower. What we are witnessing is LOVE in the form of a chemical reaction.

Music is love. It is the beauty of the melody that is created when notes are put together. Beautiful music is just notes that love one another. What we hear is what LOVE sounds like.

And so everything is everything.

I cannot evolve on my own no matter how much I love myself, just like a note by itself is not music. I have to be open to experiencing everything, sometimes chronologically and linearly according to my limited human capabilities at that time. But I have to also be open to the idea of different life experiences happening simultaneously, which I believe is how most of life events unfold in order to create the most beautiful symphony.

Perks of being a counselor:

Knowing that when I’m out of tune, it’s because I’m learning to make a better song. Everything is everything. Everything and everyone is linked to everything and everyone else.

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Just Love ♥️

Just LOVE ♥️
(I’m going to pitch this idea to Nike. 😉)

“Love, I thought to myself abstractedly. Not ‘This is love.’ or ‘Is this love?’ Not a sentence, not a certainty, not a thought with moving parts or direction. Just love, all of it, as it is. Whether it’s enough or not. Wthether it’s real or we’re making it up. However shoddy it gets, or bent out of shape. It’s still extraordinary. However foolish, however vain. However badly it ends. Love.”

― Julian Gough

Perks of being a counselor: Learning from working with so many different people that no one ever regretted loving too much. They did regret not loving enough, but never too much.

So I’m passing this learning on to you in the hopes that any opportunity you have to love, you will go all out!

Love as much as there are stars in the universe and as long as their stardust continues to exist amongst us all.

💫✨💫

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Letting Go

What is a lesson in life that keeps coming up for you?

My perpetual lesson has been exercising the art of “letting go.”

Why do I refer to it as an art?

It’s because letting go often gets mistaken for disconnection. I see letting go more as detachment from the outcome of a situation vs. being disconnected and uncaring about a situation or outcome.

You can very much care about what’s going to happen and still exercise grace in your approach to how that situation reveals its outcome. This is how I define the art of letting go.

It takes great self restraint to practice patience and peace in awaiting an outcome.

What I find amazing is that if I’m conscious of practicing grace, patience and peace, at some point the outcome loses its power over me which then allows me to accept things the way they are. Ironically, as soon as I am able to accept what is happening the way it is happening naturally, everything shifts and change occurs.

Perks of being a counselor: Knowing that if I’ve done my part to the best of my ability and within the scope of my power, the rest is not up to me. There is a certain peace in taking a step back and watching the events in the universe unfold in their own time.

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Normal Day

The day has come when we all long for the “normal” day.

Let us burn into our memories the simplest of our routine activities which are connected with our mundane, normal and imperfect days, so that when those days return, we will never again take them for granted.

Perks of being a counselor:

Knowing that even in this moment, in the midst of a pandemic, there is still so much to be grateful for and not take for granted.

There is such a thing as a “normal” social isolation day. One day, we will even miss today.

There is always something to be grateful for.

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March 2020

Besides the arrival of the Corona Virus, Spring has also arrived.

A lot has happened in the last 2 months. One could say the whole world has turned upside down and inside out.

We’ve learned new phrases such as social distancing and become “experts” in Covid-19. We’ve learned that toilet paper is a hotter commodity in times of international panic than maybe even food. We’ve had to listen to our president address us almost on a daily basis and have learned about the World Health Organization and Center for Disease Control.

Our jobs have had to transform from in person interactions to online platforms overnight and our homes have become our centers of ALL activities. We are cooking more than ever before, spending more time with our families than ever before and have had to learn to be still and patient more than ever before.

Our skin on our hands are dry and peeling from all the hand washing and surfaces have never been as clean as they are now.

On the one hand, we are weary of anyone who so much as looks like they are going to cough and yet at the same time we are much more drawn to being out and about and interacting with others than ever before.

The irony of being told to stay home and do nothing and not being able to follow through, when in the past we might have even prayed for this kind of down time and eagerly accepted it, is not lost on me. We don’t like to be told what to do, unless we agree with what’s being asked of us.

Life has transformed from making plans to go out with friends to figuring out what to do all day, every day, at home along side the people who live with us.

How does everything that’s happening affect our mental health? The answer is not simple or easy. The truth is that for every single person, the width, depth and breadth of this time period’s effect on us will be different.

So what can you do? Without being too prescriptive, I’d like to put out some suggestions that I try to do myself when I’m feeling lost or overwhelmed. Here are some ideas in no particular order. I hope you find this list helpful.

When you’re lost or overwhelmed:

1. Create a loose schedule to structure your day.

2. Insert some kind of movement in your day. It can be yoga, dance, walking in place, jumping jacks, sit ups, going up and down your stairs, watching a YouTube video of some kind of movement, etc.

3. Treat yourself. Create deadlines for yourself and then reward yourself with a movie, a piece of chocolate, a nap, playing with your dogs or kids, etc. Do something that helps you to feel better about yourself.

4. Watch a YouTube video and learn a new skill. It doesn’t have to be something super hard. Watch a make-up tutorial and learn how to put on your fake eye lashes. Watch a hair tutorial and learn how to fish braid your daughter’s hair. Learn to cook something new or fix something that’s been broken a long time. Learn how to say simple phrases in a new language. The world is your oyster!

5. Check in on friends using any of the free video platforms available to you. You can use Facebook Messenger to video chat, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, Skype, etc.

6. Start your own unique weekly group event. For example, you can set up a weekly Skype meeting with friends where everyone shares their favorite book, recipe, show, quote, poem, music, sports trivia, etc.

7. Share your expertise with others. Host a weekly, bi-monthly or monthly event through a video platform and share your knowledge about a particular topic with others.

8. Get creative! Re-purpose some of the items of your home for other uses.

9. Rearrange your furniture. Change things up in your home, move things around. You can always move them back.

10. Schedule self care time for yourself every day. It doesn’t have to be long. You can paint your nails, read a book, read the news, scroll through social media, stretch, meditate, journal, write your own blog, put on a face mask, pray, look up sports statistics and trivia, etc.

Most of all, don’t judge yourself for where you’re at right now. No one has ever lived through what we’re going through right now. How can we have a standard to judge ourselves when such unprecedented times have never occurred in our lifetime?

Perks of being a counselor:

We’re all doing the best we can. And we’ve learned slowly, but surely, that we can do hard things. Yes we can!

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Footprints 👣 Upon Our Hearts

Mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandmothers, grandfathers, friends…each person who died was someone special in someone else’s life.

Each walked their footprints upon our hearts.

When winter melts into spring, and tears continue to stream,

You’ll not be forgotten or overlooked

Because in your footprints flowers will bloom.

We will not forget your love,

Our memories will never abandon you.

Because we know when we are walking on,

We are not walking on alone.

Your footprints continue to impact our hearts,

Melting the cold, cold snow.

Because of you we must continue on,

Because we know we’re not continuing on alone.

One day, the hatred and greed will subside.

One day peace will start to bloom.

We know you’re always here with us,

And one day your footprints will guide us home.

Dedicated to all on and affected by Flight PS752 ❤️💔❤️

Yasaman Parsi, M.Ed., M.C., LPC Uncategorized Leave a comment January 12, 2020 1 Minute

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“I wish you pain” ❤️

“I wish you pain.” “But why?” You might ask? Here’s one way to look at pain:

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

As 2019 comes to a close, it’s important to take time to reflect on how you got through life this past year.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

1. What was one of the most difficult experiences of 2019?

2. How did I get through this difficulty?

3. Is there a pattern connected to this difficulty I experienced in 2019? (In other words, have I experienced something similar in the past?)

4. If so, what was the theme?

5. What did I learn about myself after this experience?

6. How do I want to do things differently moving forward?

7. What was one good thing that happened to me in 2019?

8. What did I learn about myself during and after this good thing happened?

9. How did I participate in creating this good experience and what can I do to create more good experiences in my life?

10. What is one way I helped another person this past year?

11. How did that feel?

12. How do I want to participate in acts of service and kindness in 2020?

I will leave you with the lyrics of Andy Grammer’s new song, “Wish You Pain.” He said it better than I can. While I don’t ever wish for anyone to deal with tragedy, I am aware of the growth connected to suffering and depth of understanding of what is most important in life when one experiences deep sorrow. And since life is filled with not just happiness, but also pain and sorrow, we can, at the very least, try to gain something from it by reflecting on how it has helped us grow.

“I hope your doubts come like monsters
And terrorize your dreams
I hope you feel the lonely hopelessness
‘Cause no one else believes
I hope you question whether you ever really had a chance at all

I hope your fear is thick like poison
It gets into your blood
I hope you push until you cannot breathe
And it’s still not enough
I hope you put your life out on the line
And everybody watches while you fall

‘Cause I love you more than you could know
And your heart, it grows every time it breaks
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
Wish you pain
It’s hard to say
But I wish you pain

I hope people break their promises
Leave you in the cold
I hope they beat your heart to pieces
Worse than you’ve ever known
I hope you finally arrive, only to find you’re nowhere close

I hope you cry and tears come streaming down your face
I hope this life traps you in more than you thought you could ever take
I hope the help you want never comes and you do it on your own

‘Cause I love you more than you could know
And your heart, it grows every time it breaks
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
Wish you pain
It’s hard to say
But I wish you pain

I love you more than you could even know
Been here before and I just wanna see you grow
Want you to grow

‘Cause everything that matters most
That’s where it goes by a different name
I know that it might sound strange

But I wish you pain
I wish you pain
It’s hard to say
Wish you pain

I love you more than you could even know
I’ve been here before and I just wanna see you grow
Want you to grow”

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Andrew Grammer / Ryan Met / Thomas Meredith

(Check out his song while you’re at it. YouTube link below.)

https://youtu.be/12Us5nPWouY

Perks of being a counselor:

Having been to the end of the tunnel numerous times, not just in my own life, but witnessed it through the stories of others, and having seen the light in order to be able to know and reassure you that there is, indeed, some form of transformation and light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish you pain…and love, happiness, joy, peace, health, prosperity and well-being in all areas of your life too!

Happy New Year! Thank you for all your love and support! I appreciate you! ❤️

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Healing…

“The brain-disease model overlooks four fundamental truths: (1) our capacity to destroy one another is matched by our capacity to heal one another. Restoring relationships and community is central to restoring well-being; (2) language gives us the power to change ourselves and others by communicating our experiences, helping us to define what we know, and finding a common sense of meaning; (3) we have the ability to regulate our own physiology, including some of the so-called involuntary functions of the body and brain, through such basic activities as breathing, moving, and touching; and (4) we can change social conditions to create environments in which children and adults can feel safe and where they can thrive.

When we ignore these quintessential dimensions of humanity, we deprive people of ways to heal from trauma and restore their autonomy. Being a patient, rather than a participant in one’s healing process, separates suffering people from their community and alienates them from an inner sense of self.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Here’s the thing…

There is no drug that will address your trauma, talk to it, listen to it, feel it for you, erase it, undo it, touch it, hug it, love it, sit with it, work through it, breath through it, care for it, talk about it and/or heal it for you. There just isn’t.

When you think about it, how can a situation that caused so much pain, suffering and trauma for you be eradicated by a pill made for all? While I wish such a magic “cure” existed, the reality and truth of it is that humanity has forgotten what it means to be human and to have human experiences, and as a result, we have watered down and oversimplified what it takes to heal from some of those experiences.

Just like no pill can describe the incredible depth of suffering some life experiences can bring upon us, no pill can create the connection it takes to heal from those experiences.

Labeling ourselves as “diseased” no longer means “dis-ease” or lack of ease and comfort. In today’s world, “disease” is used as a label to separate, segregate and medicate.

If you think about it, when you’re in a state of “dis-ease”, wouldn’t it make more sense to try to find out what is causing the lack of ease in the situation? Or would you just take a pill and hope it addresses the discomfort, though the origin of it has not been explored? Wouldn’t it make more sense to explore the origin of the pain and address that instead of pathologizing ourselves and in turn, trying to find the quickest “fix” out of the “dis-ease”?

In the end, whatever your belief is about what brings about healing, we can all recognize that the current system is not working.

And…if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Perks of being a counselor:

Using my own human experiences in life, both good ones and difficult ones, to be able to connect with others so that they can see their own humanity. The truth is that, as humans, we are much more alike than different. And once we know we are not alone in our suffering, anything is possible, even healing.