“What is ‘no’? Either you have asked the wrong question or you have asked the wrong person. Find a way to get the ‘yes’.”
–Jeanette Winterson
I am often faced with situations where I have to find the ‘yes’.
It’s not easy to get to the ‘yes’ because hidden in the ‘yes’ is the internal belief that I’m deserving of a ‘yes’. Also hidden is the ability to be able to handle a ‘no’ without feeling defeated and rejected.
There are also boundaries to observe. There is a huge difference between someone who pushes their way to a ‘yes’ vs. someone who gracefully perseveres in the direction of a ‘yes’ without violating their own, as well as other people’s boundaries.
Still deeper, and even more hidden, is the ‘yes’ answer we give ourselves when we start to believe in our own capacity, talents, worthiness and potential. This kind of ‘yes’ is not one where we have measured ourselves against others in order to see where we stand and who we are. This ‘yes’ is about the acceptance, love, acknowledgment and gratitude for who we are in that exact moment, the acceptance of being perfectly imperfect.
The key is to make sure you’re not saying ‘no’ to yourself before you have the opportunity to ask for what you want, and to be patient enough to wait for and search for the ‘yes’.
Perks of Being a Counselor: being able to give myself the permission to ask for what I want and need because I know that even if someone else’s answer for me is ‘no’, I am very capable of saying ‘yes’ to myself.
Perks of Being a Counselor 